The Great Tekong Manhunt - Funny!
 

[size=+0][size=2]It shows even criminals must study hard ... They should at least know their Geography well[/size][/size]

[b]The Great Tekong Manhunt[/b]

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[/size][size=2]Weekend • March 27, 2004[/size]
[size=2]TODAYonline

mr brown

IN AMERICAN action movies, you see your typical action hero single-handedly taking on an entire army by himself, then proceed to exterminate all the military opposition (even though he may only be a fireman), free the hostages and has time to become the mayor of California.

Singapore had a similar event, except that it was three robbers versus 700 elite soldiers. And the 700 soldiers won. Less Rambo, more 3 Men and an Army.

Allegedly, these three armed Indonesian guys (I said three armed, not three-armed; there were three of them and they were armed) had robbed some Malaysians of their money and handphones and escaped in their motorised sampan. Spoilt for choice in the Getaway Island Department, these three Einsteins had to choose ... yes, a Singapore island.

An island for training military recruits. An island filled with armed troops and instructors. Belonging to the most kiasu anti-gun country in the world.

We are talking Darwin Awards stupidity here, folks.

I mean, here you are, hot from two successful robberies, in your escape sampan, and you have just eluded the Malaysian police and coastguard. You could have chosen any of the 14,000 islands of Indonesia, or some of the nicer Malaysian islands like Pulau Permangil, Pulau Tioman, or Langkawi, or even some of the Southern Islands of Singapore where there are some nice deserted picnic huts and clean public toilets.

But you and your buddies, armed with a shotgun and pistols, chose Pulau Tekong, land of 3,000 helpless 18-year-olds on their first three months of military training (many of whom may not even have passed Parent's Visit Day yet, let alone Weapons Training).

The Singapore Government, faced with this national threat of three armed robbers, does the logical Singapore thing. Throw everything and the (bullet-proofed) kitchen sink at them.

We are not talking about a few friendly police officers from the Woodlands Neighbourhood Police Post too. It was essentially Three Men and their wet, rusty weapons, versus 700 of the most elite Singapore soldiers — consisting of Guardsmen, Recce, Special Ops and Gurkhas, armed with assault rifles, night-vision goggles, bullet-proof vests, and supported by helicopters.

To the delight of the recruits on the island, their instructors were called up for guard and patrol duty and training for many were cancelled.

Joy.

I heard that stolen handphones were found on the first guy they caught. I bet the three of them slapped their foreheads and said "Habis! Wrong pulau!" when they turned on their stolen handphones and were greeted with "Welcome to M1!" and "Welcome to Singtel!".

Somebody was reading comics during his Geography lessons, I think.

That is why it is important for even criminals to study hard. At least know your Geography well and how to read a map right side up.

Pace too fast for you? Streaming is the answer. Never mind if your mother tongue not good. There is always the B Syllabus.

And if you study real hard, you may even be a Gifted Criminal and enter the Gifted Criminal scheme. There you will study Advanced Lockpicking, Advanced Gun Maintenance and Advanced Motorised Sampan Navigation.

A career criminal needs his education, as this incident has shown. Study hard enough and you may even get your Masters. Then you will have no problems being headhunted by multinational criminal organisations worldwide.

You will not fear retrenchment. Don't study and end up being hunted down by 700 soldiers on a stinky island.

You can tell these three were not the sharpest knives in the drawer. The second and third fugitives were nabbed trying to get back to their sampan.

Now if they had done their homework, they would have known that their boat would not be there.

This is because their boat was parked in a no-parking zone (without a parking coupon some more) and that is why it was already towed away to the Police Coast Guard base in Kallang, guarded by an elite force of traffic uncles and traffic aunties.

It is a good thing they did not do anything stupid like take hostages, or worse, fire a shot. Because it would have meant more weapons cleaning and paperwork for our fine fighting men.

As we all know, the Singapore military rule of thumb is 700 soldiers versus three robbers, and 12,000 SAF bullets versus one robber bullet. And every one of those 12,000 bullets sprayed into the jungles of Tekong in response would be found, picked up, recorded and accounted for. In triplicate.

Including the ones they pried out of your cold dead body. You do not want to face an angry army regular who has to file a report on firing his weapon because of you, my friend — especially one who has not had a canteen break in the last 12 hours of patrol.

When they found one of the last fugitives, he had scratches on his body, suggesting that he had been trekking through the thick jungle. He said he had survived by drinking rainwater and eating coconuts, suggesting that even a desperate and hungry criminal would rather eat old coconuts than eat the Tekong cookhouse food.

Well, things could be worse, I suppose. They could have landed on Pulau Senang, Singapore's favourite live firing island and scuba diving tourist resort. Then they would have to dodge A4 Skyhawk fighters dropping live bombs on their heads. That would be unpleasant.

A few people have wondered aloud about the need to send so many soldiers to catch three robbers on an island. Some have questioned the ability of our armed forces.

I think that is an incorrect assumption.

We just have to ask any future aggressor to send in their troops three at a time, preferably to a nearby island, and we will be fine.

mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997. He thinks that these robbers should have tried hiding in the bunk with The Third Door of Charlie Company. No one would have looked for them there.[/size] [/size]

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